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delphia2ohohohA quick fic that came to me in the shower. I'm supposed to be doing something else I'm sure. Probably somewhat inspired by this which was pointed out to me by sid:
http://catsmeow.dreamwidth.org/119876.html
Unas Don’t Taste Good
By delphia2000
Rated PG, implied slash John/Rodney, nothing graphic
SG1/SGA, late in the seasons for both,
Could be spoilers for all seasons
Humor *makes Mork from Ork arr-arr noises*
Word Count: just over 1,400
Unbetaed, so mistakes are all my own.
The usual disclaimers about fics, copyrights, copywrongs and credit to those who originate the material used.
Summary: Chaka visits Atlantis.
~~~***~~~
Dr. Jackson’s Diary
First off, I’m going to kill Jack for getting into my bag and painting ‘Dr. Jackson’s Diary’ in red nail polish on the front of my latest journal. I have no idea where he got red nail polish from but I suspect Vala was complicit. Wouldn’t put it past Mitchell either. Or Teal’c. Must remember to check toenails next time in the locker room.
The intention of this journal is to record the first visit of an Unas-Chaka, to be specific-to the Pegasus Galaxy. I’ve never met a more curious Unas and I’m not sure why he asked to come along when I told him where we were going. On our way out of the galaxy, we were dropping off supplies to the miners which is part of the naquadah ore trade deal and he was there visiting. When I explained how long the trip would be, he just trotted out what is apparently his new mate…and their child (son?) and barked out the Unas version of ‘we go.’
It’s a fascinating chance to study Unas mating behaviors and besides, Chaka has been keeping Teal’c occupied by sparring with him, much to the amusement of the marines who were tired of having Teal’c beat the snot out of them. Chaka’s mate, KaTah (emphasis on the ‘Tah!’), has been sparring with Mitchell as she’s supposedly the weaker sex. You wouldn’t know it by the way she picks him up when she’s had her fill and just tosses him down on the mat. Unas for ‘game over,’ LOL!
Vala seems to have bonded somewhat with KaTah over the baby, who is appropriately named Ka-ka which is what he generally smells of. I’m surprised at how much of the Unas language Vala has already picked up. Then again, she is well-traveled and there are some languages in the Gate system that just don’t translate, so I’m sure it was a survival adaptation for her.
~~**~~
Log of Col. Steven Caldwell, Commander of the Daedalus
Sometimes I hate my orders, but taking a family of Unas on-board much against my better judgment, has proven to be rather amusing in the long run. The marines have been hazing the plebs by making them watch the female feed the baby in the mess hall--giving an entirely new meaning to that name, by the way. As they are meat eaters, she does much like a wolf and pre-chews the baby’s food. Those kids don’t even know what gross is if that’s got them gagging. Should make them watch the footage of the Gou’alds eating primtas. Which do not taste like chicken to which I can attest to by unfortunate personal experience. (They are more like raw shrimp.)
I admit that watching the male, Chaka, making Teal’c say ‘kree’ when he pins him to the mat is entertaining.
~~**~~
Log of Col. Mitchell
I’m bruised, I’m sore and I’m disgusted. I’m a Sodan Warrior for crap’s sake. I swear if one more of those cocky Marines make another snarky comment about my sparring sessions being a girl fight, I will throw them in the ring and let KaTah beat the pants off them.
~~**~~
Atlantis City Record, Col. Samantha Carter presiding
It was a great joy to see the team again when the Daedalus put down on the South Pier this evening. And what a surprise to see Chaka. He’s quite the amazing traveler. His mate and child are as cute as an Unas can be. Both KaTah and Teyla were holding their off-spring in slings in front of them and they looked like a poster for diversity as they eyed one another. Didn’t take long for Vala to introduce them (when did she learn to speak Unas?) and the three were babbling away as Teyla escorted them to the guest quarters.
McKay is frothing with envy that the Unas have the Ancient gene. Daniel and I can’t figure that one out at all unless the Unas were another semi-successful Ancient genetic experiment. And speaking of experiments, I’ve already turned down Rodney’s request to test the limits of the Unas genes by lighting up several unknown pieces of tech that we’ve guessed might be to dangerous to turn on. I stopped him when I saw him handing the baby a shield device, but he swore it was dead and he was just using it for a toy. I’ll have Daniel discuss the dangers with Chaka and let them decide for themselves if they’d like to help out.
Vala brought me a slightly used bottle of red nail polish for a gift and asked me to hide it until they were gone. Must ask Sheppard to check toenails in the locker room.
~~**~~
Daily Report, Dr. Rodney McKay, ph.d to the second power
OMG, they’ve got the GENE! I hate them. And what is with their preoccupation with babies anyway? The female keeps asking me if I want kids or have kids or something. She wanted me to hold her kid for her while she beat some guys up in the gym. I passed it off on Keller. It kept making noise so I gave it a dead shield device I happened to have in my pocket, just to teeth on and then Carter completely mistook the entire situation and accused me of trying to exploit a child. Jennifer was right there and she knows I wouldn’t hurt a kid. Even a kid that smells worse than it sounds. I hope to god my requisition for a case of Lysol spray came in with the Daedalus. Must check on human/Unas compatible germs.
It does make me wonder though and maybe I should discuss this with John, for like after he retires and we move to Vancouver, about does he want a kid or something? Did I say that out loud? Computer, erase that log.
Start again….The Unas have the Ancient gene, leading one to theorize that the Ancients were doing more experiments in our galaxy with genetics than we previously thought….
~~**~~
Personal Journal of Col. John Sheppard
I’m torn between delight in seeing Ronon finally get his ass properly kicked and humiliation at being beat up once again by a girl. This is getting to be old. On the up side, KaTah went into the ring barehanded and beat Teyla with her own sticks. That was cool.
Also amusing, the little Unas has Keller turned off babies, at least for now. Apparently they smell worse then re-sected bowels and are less fun to baby-sit for 20 minutes than eight hours of surgery. *heh!*
I bribed Vala to tell the Unas that Rodney is my girlfriend. KaTah has asked him several times if he’s pregnant yet which is totally hilarious. I’m not much into babies, but I have to admit Torren John is pretty cute and once he gets to walking and talking, he’s going to be fun. Might be cool to adopt an older kid after I retire and we move to Vancouver. I doubt I could get Rodney to change diapers, so potty-trained age at the very least.
Judging from Lorne’s report, we should try to recruit a few Unas into the Marines. I could use a team of them. I had to red-line a lot of his report and told him to do it over. He’s getting to be a real smart ass.
~~**~~
Mission Report, unedited version, Major Lorne
Being one of the few on Atlantis with any experience with Unas, I was not surprised that my team was selected to escort Dr. Jackson and his pet Unas. Or maybe I should say, Chaka and his pet linguist/archeologist. I was already aware that the Unas have a highly developed sense of smell, but they can flush out a Wraith like a German short-haired pointer can flush out grouse. Only the pointer doesn’t pick up his prey and body slam it like a pro wrestler. I’m not so pleased that Chaka insisted we let the Wraith go. Seems like he’s got that ‘we’re friendly travelers’ bullshit from Jackson. I hope we don’t live to regret that.
~~**~~
General alert to all hives from Queen Shalla’s Hive
The humans have a new ally which is not only stronger than we are, they don’t taste good. We might want to rethink invading that human galaxy if that’s where they come from.
The End
http://catsmeow.dreamwidth.org/119876.html
Unas Don’t Taste Good
By delphia2000
Rated PG, implied slash John/Rodney, nothing graphic
SG1/SGA, late in the seasons for both,
Could be spoilers for all seasons
Humor *makes Mork from Ork arr-arr noises*
Word Count: just over 1,400
Unbetaed, so mistakes are all my own.
The usual disclaimers about fics, copyrights, copywrongs and credit to those who originate the material used.
Summary: Chaka visits Atlantis.
~~~***~~~
Dr. Jackson’s Diary
First off, I’m going to kill Jack for getting into my bag and painting ‘Dr. Jackson’s Diary’ in red nail polish on the front of my latest journal. I have no idea where he got red nail polish from but I suspect Vala was complicit. Wouldn’t put it past Mitchell either. Or Teal’c. Must remember to check toenails next time in the locker room.
The intention of this journal is to record the first visit of an Unas-Chaka, to be specific-to the Pegasus Galaxy. I’ve never met a more curious Unas and I’m not sure why he asked to come along when I told him where we were going. On our way out of the galaxy, we were dropping off supplies to the miners which is part of the naquadah ore trade deal and he was there visiting. When I explained how long the trip would be, he just trotted out what is apparently his new mate…and their child (son?) and barked out the Unas version of ‘we go.’
It’s a fascinating chance to study Unas mating behaviors and besides, Chaka has been keeping Teal’c occupied by sparring with him, much to the amusement of the marines who were tired of having Teal’c beat the snot out of them. Chaka’s mate, KaTah (emphasis on the ‘Tah!’), has been sparring with Mitchell as she’s supposedly the weaker sex. You wouldn’t know it by the way she picks him up when she’s had her fill and just tosses him down on the mat. Unas for ‘game over,’ LOL!
Vala seems to have bonded somewhat with KaTah over the baby, who is appropriately named Ka-ka which is what he generally smells of. I’m surprised at how much of the Unas language Vala has already picked up. Then again, she is well-traveled and there are some languages in the Gate system that just don’t translate, so I’m sure it was a survival adaptation for her.
~~**~~
Log of Col. Steven Caldwell, Commander of the Daedalus
Sometimes I hate my orders, but taking a family of Unas on-board much against my better judgment, has proven to be rather amusing in the long run. The marines have been hazing the plebs by making them watch the female feed the baby in the mess hall--giving an entirely new meaning to that name, by the way. As they are meat eaters, she does much like a wolf and pre-chews the baby’s food. Those kids don’t even know what gross is if that’s got them gagging. Should make them watch the footage of the Gou’alds eating primtas. Which do not taste like chicken to which I can attest to by unfortunate personal experience. (They are more like raw shrimp.)
I admit that watching the male, Chaka, making Teal’c say ‘kree’ when he pins him to the mat is entertaining.
~~**~~
Log of Col. Mitchell
I’m bruised, I’m sore and I’m disgusted. I’m a Sodan Warrior for crap’s sake. I swear if one more of those cocky Marines make another snarky comment about my sparring sessions being a girl fight, I will throw them in the ring and let KaTah beat the pants off them.
~~**~~
Atlantis City Record, Col. Samantha Carter presiding
It was a great joy to see the team again when the Daedalus put down on the South Pier this evening. And what a surprise to see Chaka. He’s quite the amazing traveler. His mate and child are as cute as an Unas can be. Both KaTah and Teyla were holding their off-spring in slings in front of them and they looked like a poster for diversity as they eyed one another. Didn’t take long for Vala to introduce them (when did she learn to speak Unas?) and the three were babbling away as Teyla escorted them to the guest quarters.
McKay is frothing with envy that the Unas have the Ancient gene. Daniel and I can’t figure that one out at all unless the Unas were another semi-successful Ancient genetic experiment. And speaking of experiments, I’ve already turned down Rodney’s request to test the limits of the Unas genes by lighting up several unknown pieces of tech that we’ve guessed might be to dangerous to turn on. I stopped him when I saw him handing the baby a shield device, but he swore it was dead and he was just using it for a toy. I’ll have Daniel discuss the dangers with Chaka and let them decide for themselves if they’d like to help out.
Vala brought me a slightly used bottle of red nail polish for a gift and asked me to hide it until they were gone. Must ask Sheppard to check toenails in the locker room.
~~**~~
Daily Report, Dr. Rodney McKay, ph.d to the second power
OMG, they’ve got the GENE! I hate them. And what is with their preoccupation with babies anyway? The female keeps asking me if I want kids or have kids or something. She wanted me to hold her kid for her while she beat some guys up in the gym. I passed it off on Keller. It kept making noise so I gave it a dead shield device I happened to have in my pocket, just to teeth on and then Carter completely mistook the entire situation and accused me of trying to exploit a child. Jennifer was right there and she knows I wouldn’t hurt a kid. Even a kid that smells worse than it sounds. I hope to god my requisition for a case of Lysol spray came in with the Daedalus. Must check on human/Unas compatible germs.
It does make me wonder though and maybe I should discuss this with John, for like after he retires and we move to Vancouver, about does he want a kid or something? Did I say that out loud? Computer, erase that log.
Start again….The Unas have the Ancient gene, leading one to theorize that the Ancients were doing more experiments in our galaxy with genetics than we previously thought….
~~**~~
Personal Journal of Col. John Sheppard
I’m torn between delight in seeing Ronon finally get his ass properly kicked and humiliation at being beat up once again by a girl. This is getting to be old. On the up side, KaTah went into the ring barehanded and beat Teyla with her own sticks. That was cool.
Also amusing, the little Unas has Keller turned off babies, at least for now. Apparently they smell worse then re-sected bowels and are less fun to baby-sit for 20 minutes than eight hours of surgery. *heh!*
I bribed Vala to tell the Unas that Rodney is my girlfriend. KaTah has asked him several times if he’s pregnant yet which is totally hilarious. I’m not much into babies, but I have to admit Torren John is pretty cute and once he gets to walking and talking, he’s going to be fun. Might be cool to adopt an older kid after I retire and we move to Vancouver. I doubt I could get Rodney to change diapers, so potty-trained age at the very least.
Judging from Lorne’s report, we should try to recruit a few Unas into the Marines. I could use a team of them. I had to red-line a lot of his report and told him to do it over. He’s getting to be a real smart ass.
~~**~~
Mission Report, unedited version, Major Lorne
Being one of the few on Atlantis with any experience with Unas, I was not surprised that my team was selected to escort Dr. Jackson and his pet Unas. Or maybe I should say, Chaka and his pet linguist/archeologist. I was already aware that the Unas have a highly developed sense of smell, but they can flush out a Wraith like a German short-haired pointer can flush out grouse. Only the pointer doesn’t pick up his prey and body slam it like a pro wrestler. I’m not so pleased that Chaka insisted we let the Wraith go. Seems like he’s got that ‘we’re friendly travelers’ bullshit from Jackson. I hope we don’t live to regret that.
~~**~~
General alert to all hives from Queen Shalla’s Hive
The humans have a new ally which is not only stronger than we are, they don’t taste good. We might want to rethink invading that human galaxy if that’s where they come from.
The End
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Date: 2009-09-02 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-09-03 04:12 am (UTC)WIN!
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Date: 2009-09-03 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-03 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-09-03 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-03 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-03 05:43 pm (UTC)I especially loved the almost identical entries from John and Rodney... and the comment from the Wraith Queen set me off laughing again.
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Date: 2009-09-03 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 08:47 am (UTC)ROFL - Please write this part too... then maybe they'll get together :o)
P.S. I love that icon
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Date: 2009-09-04 02:47 pm (UTC)The icon was made by one of my awesome flist, AmnellWyvern. I'm sure she'd share with credit.
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Date: 2009-09-04 01:35 am (UTC)Loved baby Ka-ka! Also loved the bookended nail polish and Vancouver adoption angles.
So fun. :-)
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Date: 2009-09-04 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-11 12:10 am (UTC)