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delphia2ohohohDon't look. Really. You'll regret it. (Oh, go ahead. You know you want to!)
Time Lord crack fic from comment bunny so it's not all my fault.
Dancing to a Lot of Time
By delphia
Crackfic starring two very familiar characters.
Rated PG for general slashiness.
Unbetaed as per my usual when I’m in denial.
Summary: Willy Wonka was a Time Lord.
~~0~~
The Doctor felt the other was near, so he pulled the Tardis up to a convenient planetoid and wandered outside to lie in the grass, smell a few fragrant night-blooming flowers and listen to the music of the Universe while he waited. He didn’t have to wait long. The vehicle first appeared as a fireball in the starry sky above, twirling down the way an egg in water looks with a slight wobble as it slowed its descent. The Doctor sniffed a bit as he stood to examine it better. It was too angular to be described as egg shaped unless the egg had come from one of those odd birds on Damone V. Tacky gold with triangular shaped windows and some kind of silly antenna at the top. Not at all like a proper Tardis, he thought to himself; no lovely chugging sound.
The figure that exited the strange vehicle was even more ridiculous; medium height, slim, long violent purple frock coat, and a jaunty brown top hat atop an explosion of frizzy red hair. The eyes were the only things that were even vaguely familiar. He was munching a green pear as he approached, twirling his cane. He proffered the half-eaten fruit, “Care for a bite?”
“Not that kind,” the Doctor declined. “Besides, shouldn’t you be offering me chocolate?”
“Hate the stuff,” he answered, “So where the latest companion?”
The Doctor shrugged elegantly, because he was a Time Lord and all Time Lords were elegant in their movements. “I’m between companions at the moment. So exactly what was the purpose of that last gig? I mean, you and children? Kinda pervy if you ask me.”
It was his turn to shrug, somewhat less elegantly because no one, not even a Time Lord could look elegant dressed like that. “No one’s asking you. The boy needed help to find himself. I was just a mentor.”
“Ah, so all the Oompa-Loompa sex was just a side benefit?”
He grinned. “I was supposed to resist a being that was only as tall as my crotch? Come on, you’d have gone for it too.”
The Doctor’s elegant hand gesture brushed as the topic of discussion as he embarked down a much safer road. “I take it you’ve accomplished all you set out to this time?”
He nodded. “Charlie and Mike were finally able to get married and Violet got her MBA. She’s head of the R & D department at the factory.”
“I heard the German boy died of a heart attack at age 18. Sad,” the Doctor said.
He nodded. “Weighing 400 lbs can do that to you. Still, I don’t think he ended up quite so badly as poor Veruca.”
“Oh?” said the Doctor, elegant eyebrows raised.
“Became a singer and changed her name to Brittany; train-wreck, that one.”
“Pity,” said the Doctor. “So, going to stay in that ridiculous façade forever?”
He laughed. “You don’t like this look?”
“It’s just not very…you.”
Flipping the pear core over one shoulder, he removed his hat, planted the cane firmly in the ground before him and took hold of the crook tightly with both hands. Then he shook himself all over like a multi-dimensional dog trying to rid himself of infinite quantum fleas. He became a blur for a few seconds and then he was back in his old familiar body, with boyish grin and artfully tousled hair. Together they listened quietly to the music of the cosmos vibrating down the time lines. Then with a little flirty skip, he twirled his cane and invited, “Care to dance?”
The Doctor smiled as he said, “I thought you’d never ask.”
They slid into each others arms to take a twirl around the Tardis. “You know, I am without a companion right now. I could use a little company if you care to. Come. With me.”
Jack smiled that megawatt smile as he answered, “I thought you’d never ask.”
The end.
See...I told you not to go there. :o)
Time Lord crack fic from comment bunny so it's not all my fault.
Dancing to a Lot of Time
By delphia
Crackfic starring two very familiar characters.
Rated PG for general slashiness.
Unbetaed as per my usual when I’m in denial.
Summary: Willy Wonka was a Time Lord.
~~0~~
The Doctor felt the other was near, so he pulled the Tardis up to a convenient planetoid and wandered outside to lie in the grass, smell a few fragrant night-blooming flowers and listen to the music of the Universe while he waited. He didn’t have to wait long. The vehicle first appeared as a fireball in the starry sky above, twirling down the way an egg in water looks with a slight wobble as it slowed its descent. The Doctor sniffed a bit as he stood to examine it better. It was too angular to be described as egg shaped unless the egg had come from one of those odd birds on Damone V. Tacky gold with triangular shaped windows and some kind of silly antenna at the top. Not at all like a proper Tardis, he thought to himself; no lovely chugging sound.
The figure that exited the strange vehicle was even more ridiculous; medium height, slim, long violent purple frock coat, and a jaunty brown top hat atop an explosion of frizzy red hair. The eyes were the only things that were even vaguely familiar. He was munching a green pear as he approached, twirling his cane. He proffered the half-eaten fruit, “Care for a bite?”
“Not that kind,” the Doctor declined. “Besides, shouldn’t you be offering me chocolate?”
“Hate the stuff,” he answered, “So where the latest companion?”
The Doctor shrugged elegantly, because he was a Time Lord and all Time Lords were elegant in their movements. “I’m between companions at the moment. So exactly what was the purpose of that last gig? I mean, you and children? Kinda pervy if you ask me.”
It was his turn to shrug, somewhat less elegantly because no one, not even a Time Lord could look elegant dressed like that. “No one’s asking you. The boy needed help to find himself. I was just a mentor.”
“Ah, so all the Oompa-Loompa sex was just a side benefit?”
He grinned. “I was supposed to resist a being that was only as tall as my crotch? Come on, you’d have gone for it too.”
The Doctor’s elegant hand gesture brushed as the topic of discussion as he embarked down a much safer road. “I take it you’ve accomplished all you set out to this time?”
He nodded. “Charlie and Mike were finally able to get married and Violet got her MBA. She’s head of the R & D department at the factory.”
“I heard the German boy died of a heart attack at age 18. Sad,” the Doctor said.
He nodded. “Weighing 400 lbs can do that to you. Still, I don’t think he ended up quite so badly as poor Veruca.”
“Oh?” said the Doctor, elegant eyebrows raised.
“Became a singer and changed her name to Brittany; train-wreck, that one.”
“Pity,” said the Doctor. “So, going to stay in that ridiculous façade forever?”
He laughed. “You don’t like this look?”
“It’s just not very…you.”
Flipping the pear core over one shoulder, he removed his hat, planted the cane firmly in the ground before him and took hold of the crook tightly with both hands. Then he shook himself all over like a multi-dimensional dog trying to rid himself of infinite quantum fleas. He became a blur for a few seconds and then he was back in his old familiar body, with boyish grin and artfully tousled hair. Together they listened quietly to the music of the cosmos vibrating down the time lines. Then with a little flirty skip, he twirled his cane and invited, “Care to dance?”
The Doctor smiled as he said, “I thought you’d never ask.”
They slid into each others arms to take a twirl around the Tardis. “You know, I am without a companion right now. I could use a little company if you care to. Come. With me.”
Jack smiled that megawatt smile as he answered, “I thought you’d never ask.”
The end.
See...I told you not to go there. :o)
